In the proper order…

If you’re like me and hate having to flip through page after page of stuff to find out where to begin, this should be useful. Here is everything in the blog, sorted in event order, and grouped into general categories. Suggestions on how to make this better will be entertained.

History – Before the blog started

Mom’s trouble on Holiday

Involuntary Committal

Bringing Mom Home

Mom’s Home, Tries Her Meds

Mom Off Her Meds & Driving People Away

Dad Thinks She’s Getting Better, Occasionally Avoids Her

Dad Starts To Believe Her Problem Is Something Else

I Decide To Remove Myself From The Craziness

Dad Might Not Be Completely Drawn Into It

Hopefully Normalizing Relations With Dad

The New ‘Normal’?

Research and Extraneous

8 Responses to “In the proper order…”

Wow. Thank you for witing this.
Your family has much in common with mine.
Separating from mom got easier when my stepdad passed away, and my dad had passed away earlier – as she lost her emotional hostage. (As first my dad and then my stepdad were.)
Mom didn’t get away with the violence with dad, simply because even in his old age, he could be more violent than her if it came to defending himself. My poor stepdad didn’t have that. (Don’t want to go any further into it – those memories are just toxic.)
Realization, reading through this: my mom was never satisfied when I was giving her *all* my attention, *all* the time. Now, I have been considering seeing if I could ‘get away with’ sending her two gifts a year – Christmas and Mother’s Day/Birthday.
Truth…? No. She won’t let me ‘get away’ with it. The best thing I can do, is not start sending her Christmas gifts. I get emotionally hooked into sending her a small birthday gift. (No card, couldn’t find one – no, they don’t make them for bipolar mothers.) I hate to think of her feeling unloved – but she felt unloved when I lavished attention on her. She will feel unloved no matter what I do.
Now if I can only (within myself, for myself) let this last gift (a small,very sweet book about how special mothers are, with a note on the inside cover telling her that I *do* love her)….stand as evidence that, yes, I really do love her – I just can’t take it any more. The lawsuits, threats, always being ready to get a restraing order….always carrying peepr spray. (Forgot til just now – I did pepper spray her once in my teens. So Iknow pepper spray can work.)
Wow. Again – thank you so much for writing all this.

Forestchild said this on July 9, 2008 at 3:27 am | Reply
Wow!! I found your blog from a post on BabyCenter. It has taken almost 2 days to read it all. I would read a few, go do housework or take care of the kids, then read a few more. I felt like I was reading a book, and getting emotionally invested in the characters. But this is YOUR REAL LIFE. I’m so sorry you, your wife, and children have had to live this Nightmare. I cannot relate to your story because I know no one who has Bi-polar. But I feel for you. It’s almost as you are grieving the loss of a mother. She’s not there anymore. Sounds like she checked out years and years ago. I truly hope she does realize something is wrong and gets into treatment. I know it won’t change anything about yours’ and your families realationship with her. But maybe it will make you lives easier. Good Luck…..I look forward to reading more of your updates.

KristiW said this on March 27, 2011 at 10:45 am | Reply
I have read about a fourth of your posts so far. I must say it is scary similar to my life, even down to the Sjogren’s. I haven’t read it all, but my mother(I am male) may be meaner(more sic) than yours. My father does what he is told when at home, but works traveling sales. They blame me for everything in life. I cannot get away from them. I even moved thirteen hours away once, and they came every weekend. Then suited me for grandparents’ rights, so we had to move back.
They keep us in court for one thing or another so we stay broke and can’t move again. . I just about can’t take it anymore. It’s taking a toll on my kids.
I want to finish reading your material. Maybe, one day we can correspond or something. I’ve never met anyone in the same situation. Maybe I’ll blog. Does it help? I also need (legally) to record phone calls. I used to, but I don’t have an answering machine anymore. She’s gotten smarter as well.

wesley huffstatler said this on June 22, 2011 at 8:10 pm | Reply
It is pretty much a carbon copy of my situation. Even the blood pressure and the smells, and the restaurants, and my Dad’s response letter, and the “loans”, and the “clean outs”, and the cps(mine called the National Guard), and the grandmother, and stealing our mail and almost everything. Except, as far as I know, she doesn’t take meds. My wife is also scared of what they will do next. They’ve broken our bank in court. So my wife let’s the kids see them when threatened and continues to allow my Mom to call their phones. It is still Sjorgen’s and blood pressure, combined with “all the things I’ve done”.

wesley huffstatler said this on June 23, 2011 at 11:20 am | Reply
As many have said it before…I live the same ordeal. Instead of Sjogren’s she suffers from hyperthyroidism, and just the same: She blaes all her reactions and problems to that and not the bipolar disrorder. She pushed my dad away, and also I had a sister that apssed away and she blames her mood swings on that. She found out where I work and started calling the owner telling her that I am a bad human being and I should not be allowed to work in this company OMFG! I have distanced myself, told her exactly what you told her in the porch that day before her trip to your cousin’s (except for the kid’s part, I don’t have kids of my own) and she reacted just the same “so what, are you going to send me to the mental hospital again?” shut the door in my face and since then I have tried to avoid her and every time we talk I contantly remind her that she need help. I have suffered recently a lot of guilt, like I am a bad son, that this is not her fault and that I am bailing out on her when she needs me the most, but not even guilt makes me want to put myself in the situation again. I hope she gets better, I hope she finds happiness, but I don´t want to be part of it, makes me sad saying it knowing what people always tells me “She is your mom and you will miss her when she is gone”…will I? I don´t really know but I know that I certeanly need her less that she need me. Please continue writting your blog! This really helps me cope with a lot knowing that what I think, suffer and the desicions I take are not mean, but normal!

creepo said this on August 4, 2011 at 7:27 pm | Reply
Found your blog today via google. I was researching how an individual might cope with a parent who has developed bipolar disorder, and how, if possible, one could prevent inheriting it. I see now that it is quite impossible to prevent, however, it can be managed to a degree. That is hopeful.

I’m grateful, as others seem to be, that I am not alone. I am 26, a full time student, and my mother has bipolar disorder-though she doesn’t believe so and thinks that I require extensive counseling-so I do not have the time or the energy to put up with her nonsense and drama (thankfully my younger sister does). To make matters worse, the woman was sexually abused as a child and refuses to seek further assistance in that arena. I’ve been at a loss as to what I can do for her. There seems to be nothing left that I can do. She refuses treatment and claims that she sees a counselor once a month which is a lie. She doesn’t leave the house unless it’s to shop.

My search today was inspired by several facebook messages from my mother (who has now blocked me on said site) pertaining to my behavior and apparent need of professional help. I admit that I have my problems (who doesn’t?) but this woman is not well mentally and it appears that she will never see that. My father’s death 10 years ago, to me, seemed to be the trigger. I’m not sure if this is how she’s always been and she just hid it from me as a child, or somehow the trauma from my father’s death triggered this response. Either way, those messages from today are the final straw. I will, for the last time, disown my mother (we’ve disowned each other numerous times over the years but always “madeup”).

I don’t suppose I have to inform you of your wonderful ability to write, or how much you inspire me. Thank you. I look forward to reading more from you.

Livinia Star said this on December 1, 2011 at 9:42 pm | Reply
I am a bipolar child of a bipolar father and I am also the father of a bioplar daughter and the grandfather of her bipolar son. Whew.

I have not yet been able to read all the way though your blog, but have others ever told you that they thought you were maybe also bipolar? No offense, an honest question. It REALLY becomes confusing when there is such a strong family history such as ours. All bipolar II, but that makes it even harder to figure out, because it is not so obvious, and we all can “almost” function normally, but not quite.

Gerhardt said this on December 18, 2011 at 5:28 pm | Reply
- There is a strong hereditary component to bipolar, but thankfully I am not biologically related.
  
  namegoeshere said this on December 18, 2011 at 9:30 pm | Reply