Separation, Day Two

Dad arrived about noon – he had gone to the mountain cabin. We talked for a bit about Mom, and what I was going to do while I was there. Then he came in and had lunch (I really wasn’t in a hurry to go over to Mom’s). Lunch was great, and Dad told the kids some of his sea stories – he really needs to write a book, or maybe I need to write it for him. I left for Mom’s shortly after lunch.

When I got to Mom’s, she was doing that ‘putter/clean’ thing, where everything gets taken out, and put on any horizontal surface, and eventually (hopefully) gets put away – either in the original place, or somewhere new. She thinks that Dad still has the car keys, as she can’t find them (no surprise, really). I talked with her for about three hours. It was obvious that Mom was not in a condition that would have allowed the police or ems to determine that she was enough of a danger to involuntarily hospitalize her. What I tried to convey in brief:

  • The sjogren’s that she thinks she has is just a collection of symptoms, not a real disease
  • The bipolar that she has been diagnosed with is also a collection of symptoms
  • Bipolar can be the CAUSE of a lot of stress, which can cause the sjogren’s symptoms
  • Her mother had a lot of the same symptoms that she has
  • Her sister has some of them
  • She needs to take her meds, which we went over in GREAT detail
  • She has an appointment on Tues with a VERY well known and respected Dr
  • Her mind is going too fast for even me to keep up with

It was quite a struggle to get mom focused on her meds, she kept fixating on her BP meds, which she is supposed to take if her BP is high, and skip if it is not. Mom is planning to take her meds, and I am going over tonight to verify it (which was her idea, after a bit of mental wrangling on my part). She said that Dad could come back tonight if he wanted, and she would try not to aggravate him. I told her that I would convey the message, but that I didn’t think it was a good idea. She gave me Dad’s meds, which she had hidden. The only way I can describe why she did it was about the same reasoning that a 3 year old uses when he thinks he can keep mommy from leaving by hiding the car keys under the couch. Mom is REALLY fixated on Dad, and his health problems, and his behavior (which is her behavior projected onto him). Mom kept going on about how Dad shouldn’t have canceled his appointment, especially now that he is having problems. I told her that she ‘wouldn’t believe what I was telling her, but that I would tell her anyway – the reason Dad canceled his appointment was because HER problem was more important to him than his own’. She didn’t believe it. I told her that I would take her concerns to Dad, and that I would deal with Dad separately, but that her incessant harping on them wasn’t helping.

I must have interrupted her 50 times while I was there, because she just took what we were talking about, took a hard left turn, and hit mach 4. I can’t keep up, and it is exhausting trying to do it. Keeping her focused on anything (other than sjogren’s) for more than 30 seconds is difficult, and over 1 minute is impossible. At one point, when she had distracted herself, I just kept saying Mom, Mom, Mom, with increasing volume to try to get her attention. Finally, when I was ‘theatrically projecting’, she got this weird look on her face and went into a mode that I hadn’t seen before, she seemed to shrink, and just kept saying (read yelling) ‘you’re scaring me, you’re scaring me’. After calming her down, I ‘helped’ her putter/clean a little, and moved some furniture back where it had been. I asked Mom if Dad could have the cell phone, since she was at the house and had the regular phone. She said no, and made up some more 3 year old excuses. I told her that I thought that she was being petty, but that I wouldn’t press it.

When I got home, we had dinner with Dad, and he had me look up some phone numbers for him. He went back to the cabin tonight, and will be back tomorrow afternoon.

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~ by namegoeshere on April 23, 2007.