Rescinded Invitation

I got a call from my Aunt – apparently she had just found out that Dad wasn’t coming – and she wasn’t happy about it. She doesn’t want Mom ruining her son’s party, and I don’t blame her. She thought that at least with Dad along, Mom would be ‘controlled’. She left a message for Dad at the beach, and decided that she should be the one to call and tell Mom. What a relief – I really didn’t want to be the one to have to do it. I left a message for Dad as well, and got a call back from my Aunt almost immediately after I hung up. She said that Mom was upset, and could I please go check on her.

When I got there, Mom was sitting on the front porch. She had checked the messages on the answering machine at the beach, and had heard the message that my Aunt and I left. She was not happy, and was especially not happy that she was the ‘last to know’. She couldn’t understand why everyone was against her, and that nobody loved her, and that she wouldn’t ruin the party. The problem was with Dad, why else would he run off like he does. She had gone to the doctor for her Sjogren’s and the stuff that he gave her caused all sorts of undesirable reactions.

I decided a few weeks ago that I wasn’t playing the same old stupid little games anymore, and would tell her the truth, regardless. So, I told her that yes, she probably would ruin their party – or at least make it VERY uncomfortable. Mom has to be the center of attention, and will do all sorts of things to make sure that it happens. It wouldn’t surprise me if she would have had some sort of ‘reaction’ to something if she didn’t feel included enough. I also told her that if nobody loved her she would still be in the hospital, or would have been left to fend for herself once she was released, and that I wouldn’t have taken a week off from work to fly down and drive her back if I didn’t care. The problem was NOT with Dad, and that her constant harping on the same old rehashed crap starting from when they were first married and continuing through the present before starting over again was what made Dad leave. I also told her that the problem that she had was bipolar – ‘Say it with me… BI-PO-LAR’, and that she needed to get it treated. She didn’t really have Sjogren’s and that her dry mouth, cracked lips, and blisters on her tongue were caused by friction because she can’t EVER stop talking. The Sjogren’s meds that she was on caused such a severe reaction because it was treating something that she didn’t have. I told her that she would NOT be seeing the kids until she had it under control. Period. I also told her that the kids were kind-of scared of her, and very conflicted. They love her, but when she says bad stuff (or snide or sarcastic, etc) about me, or my wife, or Dad, that they get confused and upset because they haven’t learned to ignore everything that comes out of her mouth the same way that Dad and I have. She needs help, and she is going to have to get it.

At that point, she told me ‘or what, are you going to call the police the same way your cousin and Dad did?’. I told her that I wasn’t planning on it, but if that’s what she needed, I would. And I wouldn’t feel bad about it because I wouldn’t have a choice. She went inside then, and I went home.

That’s the shortest visit I’ve had with Mom in a long time. Hopefully some (any) of what I told her will filter down to some level and have an effect.

And Dad is starting to tick me off as well. I’ve left him three messages (I assume that Mom is periodically checking the machine down there and may be erasing them) and he hasn’t returned my call. He also didn’t feel it necessary to let my Aunt know that he wasn’t planning on coming with Mom – which was really wrong on his part. When he finally called back this evening, he’s trying to figure ut how he is going to get his mail & bills forwarded.

Dad also suggested that I suggest to Mom that since she isn’t going, she should make another appointment with the shrink. Not like I think that has any hope of helping – at this point, we are just waiting for the other shoe to drop (and apparently Mom has more shoes than Imelda Marcos).

~ by namegoeshere on May 16, 2007.

2 Responses to “Rescinded Invitation”

  1. Sounds like you did what your mother needed you told her the truth. That isn’t easy but since when has life been easy? Stay strong,keep to your convictions and follow the Lord.

  2. I am glad your not playing the game anymore. Your dad should be told the same thing. “I’m not doing it for you anymore. You be the husband, you take care of mom. I have my own family to look after.”

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