Perpetual Rough Draft

I have been busy the last few days. I have digitized and cut to CD some of Mom’s more significant messages, and agonized over a letter to Dad to accompany the CD. It has not been a pleasant task, not at all. I have had to listen to nearly 2 hours of Mom’s messages, not to mention the seemingly endless revisions and drafts to get the proper tone in the letter. It has been grueling, and my brain hurts. Finally when I could see the light at the end of the tunnel – Dad called. It hit my voicemail while I was polishing the 253rd draft of the letter. I picked it up when I was finished, and he was asking if he could talk to the kids. When I returned his call, he was at the store, and said he would call back when he got home. Two and a half hours later (I had been expecting less than half-an-hour) he finally called. He talked to each of the kids, and was by their description pleasant. No Mom yelling in the background this time, which in and of itself is unusual. When they were done, he wanted to talk to me again.

He told me that they were old, and wouldn’t be around forever, and that he thought if Mom and my wife could just hug and bury the hatchet everything would be fine. He asked me to reconsider not allowing Mom to see or talk to the kids. I told him that I would very carefully reconsider it.

I have, and the answer is still a resounding NO. As to Mom ever being in the presence of my wife again, another resounding NO accompanied with a great deal of laughter. Well, maybe. On the condition that my wife gets a sincere and heartfelt apology for all the nasty stuff that was said to and about her. (*gigglesnort* as LawDog says) But since Mom is incapable of any kind of apology, let alone a sincere one, that’ll never happen.


Now I have to reconsider the tone of the letter that I’ve been working on – which my wife already pointed out was a bit harsh. She asked me what were my goals with the letter, and honestly I’m not entirely sure. I want to make it crystal clear that Mom will NEVER see the kids without well-documented, effective treatment; and that her messages MUST stop; and that she is NOT WELCOME at my house, or within a mile of my house; and that if she EVER goes through my mail again, I’m going to do my best to send her to jail. I seem to have accomplished that part quite effectively.

Apparently that’s not enough. I also have to be compassionate and understanding with Dad, while gently but firmly letting him know that he is enabling Mom by buying into her perpetual excuses. And that I understand how painful it is for him. And that I am willing to help him with anything that he needs regarding Mom, without compromising my positions on the kids or the sanctity of my home.

It took me the better part of three days to come up with the first part – and I had quite a bit of help (thanks). I need to get it in the mail on Monday, and I always like it to ferment for a few hours before a final edit.

Well, I guess I have to do a bit of writing – draft #254, here I come….


~ by namegoeshere on July 1, 2007.

2 Responses to “Perpetual Rough Draft”

  1. All the best with the letter. I don’t envy you having to write that. It can’t be easy to tell your dad that you love him and know that he has been under attack by mom, that you want to help him but not at the expense of your wife and children. And at the same time, to tell him that mom will not be allowed into your home, presence or near you on threat of jail.

  2. Maybe you could 2 part the letter. One part addressing everything that has to do with your mom and the other part being compassionate to him.

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