I had an epiphany while revising the letter today. There is NO WAY that Mom’s treatment of my wife can be separated from her treatment of the rest of our family. It has to be included. When my daughter was about 6, and we were in the ‘debriefing after visits’ stage, we would have to tell her that ‘nice people don’t say things like that’ – about what Mom was saying about my wife. I don’t remember if it was TO my daughter, or just within earshot – not that it makes a difference.

I had to work extremely hard not to use the term APPEASE. That’s what we have been doing for our entire marriage. Appeasing Mom. I have to take responsibility for it, she is my mother after all.

What brought me to tears while writing today was the realization that I had made a conscious decision that Mom’s happiness was worth more than that of my kids or my wife.


I don’t like seeing it in print. I don’t like knowing that either.

My original intent had been to make it into some sort of ‘applesauce enema’ (criticism put in such a way that it is well received). It didn’t quite work out that way.

I’ll post a redacted version of it later tonight – after the final once-over. For now, I’ve got a few CDs to burn.

~ by namegoeshere on July 2, 2007.

3 Responses to “Epiphany”

  1. NGH’S WIFE HERE…..Thank you. I love you. I meant what I said to you last night. I can’t blame you for something I did….I gave her the power to hurt me. I allowed her to take my joy. I will not blame you for what I gave away.

  2. I am so glad that you have finally come to that realization. Healing can now begin.

  3. Truely, that is a bridge that had to be crossed. I’m glad you found it. Many prayers for all of you.

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