Dad Responds

Well, I have finally heard from Dad. I got a letter yesterday at work (and a copy at home as well). He said:

I read your letter. You ask that in the letter that I side with you against your mother. I can not do that.

I have carefully reviewed the allegations that you make regarding both your mother and your upbringing and I believe that they are either untrue or misinterpreted. I do not believe that you are qualified to make any judgment regarding your mother’s physical or mental condition. The situations involving certain telephone messages that you describe can be best described as a reaction by your mother to the continued provocations by you and *Wife*. Your failure to acknowledge your mother’s birthday and our anniversary indicates your attitude towards your parents.

Your continued financial difficulties have further strained our relationship. Your mother and I have either loaned you money or given you significant funds or major items to make your lives easier and you have not repaid the loans but have indicated that repayment is not possible. That does not indicate good financial management. Given the depressed nature of the real estate market your options are becoming more limited. Your mother and I are no longer prepared to assist you and must insist instead on the prompt repayment of the loans. Returning the van and truck that we obtained for you will be appreciated. Failure to do so promptly will add further strain to the present situation.

Your refusal to permit the children to visit or communicate with us is inexcusable. I am convinced that you are denying your mother the right to visitation with the children with the express intention of causing your mother great emotional distress. You know that the emotional distress increases your mother’s documented physical ailments. Your expressed reasons for not permitting communication and visitation between the children and your mother; and your demands of me lack any rationale basis and violate the case law of *State* and may result in litigation to enforce our rights if communication and visitation are not promptly arranged.

We look forward to renewing our relationship with you and the children on a more solid basis.

What I noticed about the letter:

  • The letter doesn’t match either Mom or Dad’s writing style. Some of the phrasing is obviously not theirs.
  • The reference to ‘case law’ & litigation makes me think that they had their lawyer write it.
  • Neither of them can use a computer, and it was printed in a proportionally spaced font.
  • It was a copy of something that was obviously faxed (abnormal thickness/thinness of lines, etc).

And what was said…

  • I didn’t ask Dad to side with me against Mom. Mom interpreted my letter that way and commented on it in several of the messages she left.
  • I’m not qualified to make judgments about Mom’s physical or mental condition. I DID talk to the shrink that she saw on holiday, and HE is qualified. HIS conclusion was the same as when Mom has been hospitalized in the past.
  • The phone messages have been periodically nasty for the last 15 years. All the ‘provocations’ are entirely fabricated in Mom’s mind.
  • Until the day of Mom & Dad’s anniversary, Mom had been extremely upset that Dad didn’t want to see her. I don’t know what changed his mind.
  • Dad should be glad that I didn’t acknowledge Mom’s birthday the same way that she ‘acknowledged’ my anniversary. Calling her a ‘controlling, manipulative bitch’ in a phone call at 1:30 in the morning probably wouldn’t have gone over very well.
  • The ‘financial difficulties’ are also a product of Mom’s overactive imagination. The ‘loans’ were never ‘loans’ until Mom started not getting her way. NONE of the GIFTS were ever asked for. EVER. They were all initiated by Dad. For example, when my daughter got braces, Dad said that they wanted to help pay for them. I told him that it wasn’t necessary, but he insisted that they WANTED to. It magically transformed itself into a loan later. There have also been times when Dad has offered to help pay for a new roof for the house, or car repairs, etc. which I refused. When Dad bought a new truck and gave me his old one, it came with a ‘gift letter’ for the DMV to make sure that there weren’t any sales taxes due. Now it too has become a loan. It wasn’t included in this letter, but Mom has even mentioned wanting Christmas presents back.
  • The mention of the ‘real estate market’ and ‘limited options’ sounds like they are expecting us to sell our house to repay the above ‘loans’. That’ll be a cold day.
  • My refusal to allow MOM (Dad’s letter says US ) to have contact with the kids is directly in line with what the CPS worker told us. Allowing the kids to see her could be considered abuse, since we are already aware of what she is like.
  • Emotional distress increases Mom’s allergies? Her reactions to meds from 6 months ago? Oh, the Sjogren’s syndrome. Yeah, right.
  • My reasons for not allowing Mom to have contact with the kids include the kids nightmares, Mom’s verbal abuse of my wife, and her explosive (to put it mildly) moods. These apparently don’t count as ‘rational’ – at least not to an insane woman and her ‘battered spouse’ husband.
  • Case law? Litigation? See you in court. I’m not sure where you’re going to find a lawyer to challenge a state supreme court ruling. Good luck with that.
  • A renewed relationship on a more solid basis – after you take our cars & house everything will be just peachy. Who’s not being rational now.

I will probably wait a few weeks before sending a reply. If my mood doesn’t change, I’ll let my evil alter-ego write it.


~ by namegoeshere on July 19, 2007.

7 Responses to “Dad Responds”

  1. Scare tactics one and all…might be helpful to have your attorney (find one at church?) write their attorney? Or ignore it all and see what happens. If they try to take it to court, they will quickly find that they might not even make it into the courtroom as there are no grounds for any of her “issues”.

    Many prayers.

  2. I agree that this letter was written by someone w/a background in law/legal issues. It certainly doesn’t sound like a letter from angry parents.

    I agree w/APuritanLady in that you should look into finding a good attorney just to help with legal issue and to have someone aware of what is happening and to advice you as needed.

  3. Good morning
    I am sorry to hear of such problems.
    I came accross your blog from another blogging friend.

    I have a daughter who is bi-polar.
    She is 20 years old. never finished high school, or a held a job for more than 5 months and is now 5 months pregnant with current boyfriends child. Although this isn’t the end of the world it is very difficult for this Christian family to grasp, mostly because its all wrong.

    I see that you have contacted a suppost group. I am proud of your courage. If anything it will help you understand her mental mind before you go totally out of yours.

    I’m totally convinced that a bi-polar person can not function without medication. I found out 4 years ago my youngest brother ( the genius of the family) is bi-polar and is medicated and you wouldn’t know he was struggling with the illness. It isn’t the total answer because the meds cause slowness in physical health, and gives a great appatite causing great weight gain but he is a loving father and very gentle now. He still struggles within but has good phyc help as well.

    Daughter on the other hand won’t go to a phyc Dr. because he makes her ” feel bad about herself”. But on the other hand when she stopped going I once again became the villin in her life. I am not. I am the one who holds her dearest but like you I have become numb to the feeling of loving because it just hurts me too much to always be the ginny pig to her brunts.

    My husband who is at work all day doesn’t see it all. She is a good girl ( most of the time) in front of dad. Funny part though. She hates him more that me.

    Life goes on……………….

  4. The letter definitely gave me a bad feeling. I don’t know your family enough to comment on the tone but yes it has a “professional” sound.

    While I pray this doesn’t go nasty, perhaps this is the route that must be travelled to get your mother the treatment she needs.

    It is just not something you want the children to have to live through! I’m praying for you all! I trust that God already knows and is keeping you safe in the palm of His hand.

  5. Start saving your penny’s for a good family lawyer. Nope wasn’t written by dear old dad. I wish I had something positive to say but I don’t

  6. Prayers for you and family

  7. As I have said before, IF they take it to court (which they won’t, remember Mom’s authority problems) it will last all of about 30 seconds. I have documentation for several of the ‘loans’ stating that they were gifts. And as I have said before, case law in our state is VERY clear about parent’s rights.
    And as soon as I am notified that it is going to court, I plan to file a counter suit for legal fees, lost time from work, mental anguish, etc. I expect that finding a lawyer won’t be too difficult since I’ve already done most of the leg work.
    We also have a few witnesses lined up (not that we’ll need them) including the kids pediatrician.
    I’ve been letting it sit before reading it again, and it appears more that it is a lawyer’s interpretation of what Mom has been saying. The letter was not ‘official’, it was signed and mailed by Dad. It is not on letterhead, and for ‘legal’ purposes, really doesn’t matter. They do have a friend that is a lawyer that could easily have written the letter for dad as a favor, but not in any official capacity.

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