Dinner with Dad

As arranged, the kids and I went over to Dad’s this afternoon – Mom is still at the beach. We visited for about an hour, and then Dad took the kids out to dinner. An hour and a half later, Dad called to let me know that they were back, and I headed over. We visited for about another hour, and then came home.

This was the boys first trip to the fancy restaurant, my daughter had been once before. The kids had all eaten (and enjoyed) the salad (not enough croutons), and the special French onion soup that the restaurant is known for. According to Dad, their conversation had ranged from the decor and food through politics and to the tire swing they had strung up in the yard.

After the kids concert for Dad, they had wandered downstairs leaving Dad and I alone for a little while. He told me about the goings-on at the beach. He also told me about a counselor at the beach, and how difficult the first appointment was, since they had to start at the beginning. He was exhausted by the end of the hour. I thought that he had gone by himself, but after three canceled appointments, Mom had actually gone to a counselor with him. I let him know how surprised I was that she had actually gone.

He also told me about a friend/contractor that they had hired a few years ago to do some work on their house. Mom had found an old bill, which she thought was excessive, and called him about it. His conversation with Mom ended with him saying that it would be a cold day before he’d work for them again. Dad found out about it, called him, and smoothed things over. Honest contractors are very hard to find.

I haven’t gotten any calls from Mom in about a week. His volume of calls had gone down quite a lot as well. I wonder if Mom is finally going into the long overdue depression phase.

Dad is heading down to the beach later this week. He has a doctor’s appointment as does mom. He’s hoping to get Mom to another counseling session as well.

On the way home, I asked the kids if there was anything uncomfortable about the visit or conversation. Nothing had been awkward, and they had a very good time. They were much more relaxed and comfortable than the last time we were over.

~ by namegoeshere on March 2, 2008.

2 Responses to “Dinner with Dad”

  1. Thanks for your earlier reply to “uninvited guest”. I’m learning as I go and appreciate what you have said. We’re just now at the stage where my father is just seeking counseling about mother/family crisis. He and I have struggled over his denial over my mother’s undiagnosed problems. He and I have agreed to meet in counseling soon. I hope we can get past “the way things used to be” and focus on getting mom some professional help before she sends him to his early grave. I pray he does not live out his late years this unhappy. I also cannot imagine what she would be like with him gone. How did you get your mom to realize she had a serious problem to begin with? Was it your dad that pushed her to get help?

  2. Uh, my Mom hasn’t realized that she has a problem. Dad ‘pushed’ her in the sense that she was out of control and he called the police. They took it from there. Mom was compliant with her meds for about a week, but she NEVER realized that she has a problem. She always blames her problems on other things – menopause, sjogrens, allergies, and bad reactions to meds.

    That has been the biggest struggle. Dad is probably the only one who can force her to do anything, but he’s been unwilling to. It doesn’t help that the criteria for committing her against her will is so strict. He’s learned the hard way that whatever authority he appeals to will help for a little while (9 days last time) and then turn her lose again.

    My struggle has been trying to keep Dad focused on Mom’s problem, and not to buy into all the excuses that she comes up with. She will seem better for a little while, then BANG – once again off the deep end.

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