Pizza, The Postmaster, and The Mechanic

I tried calling Dad on Saturday morning on my way to the hardware store, but his phone was turned off. I stopped by, and he was at home.

We visited for a little while, and he didn’t need anything, so I went alone. I did tell him that I’d call tomorrow (Sunday) after the kids got home.

My wife and kids got in about 11:00 Saturday evening, and nobody was in bed before 2:00am. When I got up on Sunday (not morning, btw) I had a message from Dad asking when I thought we would be over, or call.

My wife and boys were out at a rescue squad demonstration (which included a helicopter), and wouldn’t be back for a while. I called Dad to let him know. Shortly after, my Wife got home, and I called Dad back to see if he wanted to go out for pizza, since his birthday is approaching, and my Son’s had just passed.

We went out, and had a good time. The kids had done some interesting things since they had seen him last, so they had a lot to talk about. On the way home, he suggested that we stop at an icecream stand.

Today, I got a call from Dad, reminding me that there was a package that Mom had sent to my Daughter and Son, who had just had a birthday, and would I mind picking it up. That had also been the subject of a few of Mom’s messages as well. He also told me that he had a good time with the kids, and that they were ‘bubbly’, and a joy to be around.

I got quite a few messages from Mom yesterday, starting just after I picked Dad up and we were heading out to pizza. When I listened to them, it was really funny to hear just how furious Mom was about me having ‘stood Dad up’, and how ‘devastated’ he was when he didn’t hear from me.

My Wife picked up the package today, and got an earful from the postmaster. Apparently Mom has been calling and harassing his employees about the package to the point that none of them will answer the phone when she calls.

My wife also had to go to the mechanic to get the state inspection done, and the owner of the station told her about one of Dad’s neighbors. The lady had dropped her car off for maintenance, and when the owner drove her home she said that they would have to leave a message because she wasn’t answering the phone any more today. Mom had already called her four times (10:00 am) and she just couldn’t take it any more.

I got one call from Mom this morning, thanking me (sarcastically of course) for finally getting around to letting the kids see Dad and taking him out to eat. She just couldn’t understand why I would be so irresponsible as to let Dad sit at home and wait for hours without calling him or anything. After all of her enraged calls yesterday, her voice was really bad today.

Oh, and the package didn’t really include any malevolent notes this time. My Son got a birthday card, and my Daughter got a purse (which she refused). For those that don’t know, my Daughter’s birthday is 6 months away, but she has always been the favorite, and always gets gifts. My boys are just afterthoughts.

~ by namegoeshere on May 20, 2008.

4 Responses to “Pizza, The Postmaster, and The Mechanic”

  1. Your sons have a worthy sister to understand the situation and think of them and the situation as a whole, not herself. Kudos to the young lady.

  2. I came across your blog and ended up reading all the archives. Your Mother appears to have many problems, including bi-polarity, but I think that it is far more than that. Her inability to recognize that she has a problem is not unusual but for her to engage in such rage and anger for such a long period of time without demonstrating any guilt or remorse or depression is unusual in my reading and research. I wonder if it has escalated into something well beyond manic depression. Do you and your family see a therapist or counselor? This is a heavy burden for you all. I will continue to read your posts as I am most interested in the effects of mental illness on the children of bi-polars. Good luck hardly says enough.

  3. APuritanLady:
    My Daughter learned a long time ago – way too early to be healthy – that ‘gifts’ from Mom come with industrial-strength kevlar strings attached. She not only refused it, she didn’t even want to know what it was.

    Wow! You read through the entire blog? With comments it is well over 50,000 words.
    It is difficult to tell exactly what other psychological labels would stick to Mom. Hypochondria, narcissism, personality disorder, and others would fit. Extreme stages of bipolar can either mimic or be cormorbid with many other disorders.
    Mom has NEVER experienced any genuine remorse. Ever.
    It is not uncommon for older people who have never gotten treatment to experience extended periods of mania/hypo mania. It seems like the older they get the higher their median is. Depression comes less frequently and less severely, and the manic phases are higher and longer.
    As I’ve mentioned before (but not recently) psychology is not an exact science, and many labeled disorders overlap. I also think that when someone goes without being treated for an extended period, their brain actually becomes permanently altered making effective treatment impossible. Similar to the way that untreated diabetes can cause permanent damage to other organs. You can only run so hot for so long without burning something out.
    My family and I do not regularly see a counselor, but the pastor of our church and others are always available if needed.
    If I’m a research subject for you, you should probably know that I’m not genetically related to Mom. My wife and I frequently thank God for that.

  4. I am not doing formal research for academic purposes. Thanks for sharing some information that you have gathered. Since you are not genetically related to your Mom I wonder if that helps you maintain a certain “detachment” from her that is healthy.

    As for reading the whole blog, I started toward the end & wanted to find out what came before. You’re a good writer and it’s a fascinating subject. I do feel empathy for your mother. It is almost unbelievable that she has never shown any remorse. Have you considered any disassociative aspects of her illness? I’m also looking into that. It’s hard to believe that she isn’t aware at some level of the pain she continually causes her significant others and herself.

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