Mom Called & Dad Just Doesn’t Get It

I got a voicemail from Mom on Thursday (3 July) at my desk at work. I was there, but chose not to answer it (I never do). She’s no longer manic, judging by the speed of her speech initially, and then accelerates on some type of upward parabolic curve. The first few seconds are fine, and then she starts in again. My Wife is garbage and manipulates me, she’s driven off all my friends, blah blah blah. It appears that she has a letter that my Wife wrote to me before we were married, which she claims that she will use in court. Oh, and she claims that she’s gotten a lawyer again and Dad is helping her with it (yeah right). And (according to her) the shrink she’s been going to says that she wasn’t treated properly while on holiday, as do her other doctors, and they’ll help her out in court. If it were only true. I’d like nothing better than to have Mom in a courtroom, especially on the witness stand. I wonder if they video/audio tape it?

A few hours after that, Dad called. He enjoyed the visit with the kids, and was going to go to the cabin for the 4th. He also asked that since Mom was doing much better, and under the care of a shrink, if I thought it would be possible for her to see the kids or talk to them on the phone. He referenced the letter that I sent them last year, and I’m not sure if the timing is because of that, or because Mom’s birthday is next week.

I said no.

I told him that Mom’s agitation level might be different, but what she says is still so vile and full of malice that I really didn’t see any change in her at all, other than that she isn’t running quite so hot any more. She’s still just as manipulative as ever, and that she’s not really getting effective treatment.

He and I are overdue for a serious conversation about just what my expectations are. I am concerned about it, however, because the less manic Mom is, the more control she has over her displays. If (read when) he tells Mom what I tell him I’m looking for, she will probably be able to produce it for brief periods of time. Not that it would convince me to resume any kind of contact at all. I’ve gotten off that merry-go-round and I’m NEVER being sucked back into it. Ever. I guess I just don’t want to be accused of ‘moving the goalposts‘. I’m also going to have to discuss with him my (and his, whether he knows it or not) greatest fear, that Mom’s unacceptable behavior may only be amplified by the bipolar, not caused by it. And there may not be any way to remove the evil from her short of treppanning with a claw hammer.

~ by namegoeshere on July 4, 2008.

2 Responses to “Mom Called & Dad Just Doesn’t Get It”

  1. Just out of curiosity. When did your mother’s decline begin? Should I read *In proper order* to catch up? I was wondering because, I have said this before, there are disturbing yet unshocking similarities between your mother and my mother and countless other mothers I read about in your *experiences* section.

    I remember that when I was very young and my mom was in her early 20s, she was not bad. She was not losing her mind or long gone. She was still human after her first 2 kids. That is not to say she was not irrational. Years later my dad would regale me of tales in the early days and my mom was prone to emotional outbursts primarily of anger and irritability. Some of the tales he told me, his memories of conversations with my mom indicate her mind was not a solidly built house of stability back in her early 20s (but then who is at that age right?)

    Still, she was able to conceal her problems from us all.. for awhile. To a point. Then the mother we all knew and loved went away and in her place a malignant mean person took over. A person that blamed all her problems at everything and everyone except her self.

    Still I wonder if there is a tale to tell about her decent into madness. Perhaps you have already pumped your dad for info on what she was like back in the day.

  2. Yeah, it seems the mother I knew as a teen has been replace with this mean, manipulitive person I don’t even know. However, my sis said that before she married my dad(he could handle her) and got meds, she was THAT person so I don’t know.

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