Two dinners, a year apart.

Yes, it has been a year and a half since I posted anything other than the occasional response to comments.

In my defense, not much has happened concerning Mom in that time. But yes, I did have dinner with Dad – twice.

The first was in early September, 2012. Dad called and said that he was passing through, and wanted to see the kids. The kids and I, my wife had a legitimate conflict, met him at the local museum, and then went to dinner at the ‘fancy’ restaurant. We had a nice time, and he got caught up with the kids. He said that he expected to be back in a few weeks, and would call then.

And nothing for an entire year. It’s was nice.

Then last Tuesday, Dad was waiting for me at the commuter lot. We chatted for a while, and he then met me at my house and talked with all of us until my daughter had to leave for school. We made arrangements to meed at the nice Chinese restaurant the next evening. My wife had pictures of the kids and mentioned that there was a folder of them at the mechanic, waiting for him. She stopped at the mechanic on Wednesday afternoon, and Dad had already picked them up.

We met at the restaurant, and had some more pictures, as well as DVDs of the theater productions the kids had been in. We ate and talked for about two hours about current events and activities the kids were in and what had been going on at the beach and things. We had a pleasant, normal time.
Then Dad’s phone rang. He looked at it, but didn’t answer it.
It was Mom.
It was Time For Him To Go.
He wasn’t rude or impolite, just Ready To Leave.
So we did. We said goodbye in the parking lot, and he said that he would be back through in a few weeks. He was looking for something in the car, and had been for almost two minutes before we drove off.

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~ by namegoeshere on October 26, 2013.

11 Responses to “Two dinners, a year apart.”

  1. You had dinner with your father after he wrote a letter cutting contact with you for your “audacity” to remove your mother from your life, and making trivial grabs for imagined debts…? Not to tell you your business, but isn’t that condoning bad behavior; letting him know he can get away with nonsense?

    • Dealing with ‘normal’ people, yes. But Mom is bipolar, unmedicated, and shows signs of paranoid schizophrenia. Dad is with her until he can’t take it any more, and then he takes a break.

      It takes him a while to think clearly after he leaves. Mom seems to have a ‘field of insanity’ around her. Anyone that enters it and stays for any length of time will pick some of it up, and it takes a little while for it to fade.

      • if that’s the “rinse-repeat” process you want to subject your family to…

        I truly don’t know your father, only the behaviors you’ve written about here on your blog. Judging by his infrequent visits, and your own admission that he treats people he dislikes in a chummy manner, it sounds like he actually has very little interest in your life/family/kids, and is more about collecting covert intel on you…

  2. I just read your whole blog and I’m just so thankful you posted all of this. My mom is very similar to your mom. She was just diagnosed bipolar about 2 years ago. Shes on and off her meds all the time. My mother has been a drug addict my whole life (19 years) so the up and down emotional roller coaster we just assumed was caused from doing the drugs that she has done. Anyways it’s just nice knowing I’m not the only one who has gone through this same situation. This helps me understand what my future will probably look like with my parents. So thank you for sharing this.

  3. I have followed your blog for nearly 2 years now because your mother sounds so much like mine… I checked back today and noticed that you hadn’t posted anything since October and just wondered how things were. My mother went to her very first “counseling” session the other day and didn’t hear a word the lady said… she came out raving about how wonderful the counselor was & how she “feels hope” for the first time in years… why, you ask? Because the counselor called my dad an “Avoider” and so that was the only thing she heard and she came out vindicated and validated in feeling that everything was all HIS fault… sigghhhhh. Can’t wait to hear about the next session.

    (please don’t publish my email address)

    • I haven’t posted anything because there’s nothing to post. I haven’t heard from Mom or Dad since then. And we’ve got PLENTY of things to do rather than just waiting.

      I don’t know if I could even count the number of shrinks that Mom has seen – it usually lasts for a few visits until they offend her, and then took something significant to get her to another one. Selective hearing seems to go with bipolar, too. Good luck.

  4. I c you still have your severe mommy issues. Have you ever thought of counseling or making website to bash all bi-polar people is what helps for now, obviously it doesn’t help, your still an arrogant piece of shit, that needs to look in a mirror, and thiscwebsite didn’t have a sudden influx cuz of newt Gingrich’s people, get a clue, it you can, but you can’t cuz your not blessed w/the gifts of being MENTALLY I’LL, 2 get a clue with, so lets have it, the holier then thou, highly critical bashing of everything written and mispelled, boy, shades of mommy.

    • Judging by your comment, you are ‘blessed’ with the gift of mental illness (or should I say I’LLness). I almost didn’t approve it, but found it seriously funny. Hopefully others here will too.

      And yes, every time the word ‘bipolar’ is mentioned in the news, I see a spike of visitors referred by search engines, with the search terms listed.

  5. Wow, I really don’t know where to start… I just want to thank you for sharing your blog.

    In order to escape my physically/psychologically abusive bipolar mother, it meant I had to cut my entire family out of my life in order to create a good life. It was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made (at 19 y/o) because I had to leave my younger sibling behind. It’s been 8 years, but I have recently reconnected with my little brother who just turned 18 – I wanted to avoid Mom from being able to manipulate him to get at me until he was legally able to make his own decisions (and to not still be a child). I also needed the away time to recover so that I could be of help to him now. Anyways, now that I have reconnected with him I started googling ‘survivors’ of bipolar parents and I finally found your blog. It was exactly what I was looking for. As you can imagine, I haven’t come across many people who grew up in the special hell that is reserved for those held prisoner by bipolar parents. So, I really don’t have a clear idea of what the typical experience is for family members dealing with bipolar loved ones.

    Reading through all your posts really helped me to see that I don’t fully understand bipolar behavior and that I interenalized more than my fair share. My step-brother and I were the main targets of my mother’s violence and psychological warfare (not my older sister or little brother) and I had a hard time NOT taking the things she did personally – even though I could clearly see she was a crazy and dangerous person.

    Again, thank you for posting this. Best wishes to you and your family.

  6. I found your blog to be very powerful, well-written and thoughtful. Can I ask – why are you allowing your Dad access to your children? I imagine it is very hurtful to them to have this man appear and play grandfather for a few hours, then disappear for months or years. I am not trying to bash you – I think you have come a LONG way.

    My maternal grandmother (died in the 90s) was probably some form of mentally ill – and I can tell you that my life was not at all enhanced by our brief visits. No grandparent contact is much better than toxic grandparent contact. I can’t say if your dad is toxic to your children, but I think it’s a question worth asking.

    It’s possible that your Dad simply does not have the mental or emotional energy left after caring for your mom to be a good dad or a good grandfather. I can’t fault him for that – you have your wife, and your kids have both of you. Your mom only has your dad. But that doesn’t mean that you are obliged to except the scraps of attention he throws at your kids once a year.

    • I was praying for some relief, I wanted to know that I am not the ONLY one. Then, my youngest daughter gave me an article about a girl describing her bipolar episodes. After reading it and looking at the comments somebody put a link to your blog and here I am.
      My First Born suffers from being bipolar and I can’t see her in my life without her taking her meds. She has a 3 year old and a baby on the way. It breaks my 💔 to think my Granddaughters will have to go through this! How sad!

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